SPIRITUALITY — The Direct Experience

Discussion on Thrive: What On Earth Will It Take?

SPIRITUALITY — The Direct Experience

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    J. Ann Gilman E. 2 months ago

    My connection to spiritual help has been from experiences I have had. A very big one in my life was when I was eight years old. My mind had blanked it and real life out for almost a year when an Elder of the Crazy Horse family, brought me back to this reality. I was in a black void:( Yes,They would baby sit me on a chair in a center of a room as they went about doing home activities. But this very old Elder sat in a chair against the wall facing me that day holding my hands . I awoke out of my darkness, seeing him sitting there looking at me, for the first time in my life we met face to face. It was still a lot of years before that lost part of my life came back to me, it was so painful.

    The last thing I had remembered before going into darkness , was walking down a dirt road on the way to a country school house and Eddie walking beside me asking, “Did you really have to go without supper after you were whipped, for going off the path …. to get us back safely to the trail?’ No , I never remember arriving at the school that day ……

    Taken from my true stories ” A Gift Of White Lillies” by J. Ann Gilman E. 2003

    In slow motion I saw Eddie, Rob and Sandy watching me, as I fell out of
    sight into a dark hole. Down, down I went my dress ballooned around me,
    the flowers in my arms. I hit the water; went under and bobbed up, oh it
    was so cold. I started treading and kicking out to the sides hoping I
    could walk up the walls with my back braced against one side. Nothing,
    it was like a dark cave, oh what was I to do, I heard Sandy barking, Rob
    screaming for Eddie. So I joined in yelling help, help, help! Then go
    get my dad, go get me someone, please! Sandy stopped barking but I still
    heard Rob.I looked to the top at the sky. Being so
    deep under ground I could only see the stars in the dark sky! Then I
    thought of the older women who told me my mother was up in the sky in
    heaven and she was watching me and she would always help me. Well, this
    is a good time to find out, please help me. Over and over I called,
    tears running down my face.

    I was getting tired from kicking my legs and then I saw something
    hanging above me I kicked and stretched my arm up and caught it. Ouch
    thorns, it was a little wild black berry vine that grew in that area! I
    gripped it and then kicked and got my other hand above the first and did
    hand over hand. The top was getting closer and closer I could feel dirt
    falling on me it had a musty smell. Finally I was at the top! I swung
    my leg to try and get it over the edge but the earth kept giving way, so
    I kept doing hand over hand until I was lying on top. I wiggled safely
    away from the edge and sat up, just then the vine came loose from the
    soft earth and moss.

    It had a tiny short root, I felt in the earth trying to find more of
    it but there was nothing. I started sobbing and looked up into the sky
    and said thank you. (I loved wild black berries after that.) After
    having a good cry I got up and walk across the field to little Robbie
    and took his hand. ‘Lets go home Robbie it is okay now!’ As we walked
    down the old dirt road Sandy was on her way up the hill. She stopped,
    looked, barked and started running, she was all over me licking my dirty
    face talking to me as I knelt to hug her, and oh she was happy! She
    skipped ahead of us or maybe that was a dance? Dad said she kept coming
    and barking at him, as he raked leaves and talked with Eddie who had
    said nothing of what happened and Sandy was going back up the road
    turning to look at dad. But he did not know what was wrong with her!
    Sandy had gone for help, trying to save my life! Sandy was very loyal
    to me and I loved her very much. She was a long haired Hines mix but
    still a great dog for an 8- year-old………..

    After a beating with a metal belt buckle and no supper. I would have
    been beaten even if I had not saved Robbie anyway. What ever friends did
    on my watch, I was blamed for it that’s why I went off the road after
    them! With no thought of Eddie leading us straight to the lost abandoned
    water well we all were warned about. “Stay on the path! Never leave the path or old road!”

    The next day after so many visits to hear my story with hugs and
    smiles everyone so happy I was alive. My dad coldly watched me smile
    back at the adults, thanking them. He was so angry! Dad then wanted me
    to show him the well. My dad drowned Sandy in front of me in that well
    as I screamed “No Stop it was not her fault!” just because I went off
    the road to save Robbie and our being trapped by dead cedar branches
    points catching our clothes, they were covered in dirt in a half ring
    around the well, we could not return the way we crawled into the trap,
    the only way out was over the hole in the ground that we saw Eddie jump
    over. I threw Robbie over to safety but when I did my short space of a
    run and jump, my foot landed on the soft soil at the edge on the other
    side and it caved away as I fell into the well. I was a tiny thin girl
    but the soil was just too soft there.

    All the Lilies had helped me float but ended up surrounding Sandy in
    her watery grave. The gift of White Lilies from Eddie for his Mom, he
    really had gathered for us, if I had only known I would not have lost my
    friend Sandy. Good-bye Sandy, know you were loved and I miss you.


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