|Moose Meat and Fry Bread|
|Storytellers||Jul 3, ’08 2:35 AM|
|Other Joke Site Collections||Aug 8, ’08 12:02 AM
by little_running_deer for everyone
The sick Lakota man was lying on his death bed. He had only hours to
live when suddenly he smelled fry bread. He dearly loved fry bread more than
anything else in the world, especially his wife Nelly’s fry bread.
With every last bit of the energy left in his mind and body, the terminally ill
husband pulled himself out of bed, across the floor, down the hall, and into
the kitchen. Here, his wife was removing the fresh batch of fry bread from the stove.
As he reached for one of the freshly made fry breads, his wife smacked
him in the back of the head with a wooden spoon, “Leave them alone! ….They’re for the funeral!”
Three Native men were hiking through the woods when they came upon a large raging, violent river called… Missouri .
Needing to get to the other side, the first Hunkpa’Pa guy prayed: ‘Holy Man.., please give me the strength to cross the wash/river.’
Poof!…..his Holy Man gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man from Lower Brule prayed: ‘Shaman, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river’
Poof!……the Shaman gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man, A Mnicoujou prayed: ‘Wakan’Tanka’ , please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river’
Poof!…..The Mnicoujou Guy was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.
‘Oh please excuse me,’ said the bunny. ‘I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.’
‘That’s perfectly all right,’ replied the snake. ‘To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?’
‘Well, I really don’t know,’ said the bunny. ‘I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.’
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, ‘Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!’
The bunny said, ‘I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?’
The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, ‘Well, what kind of an animal am I?’
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, ‘You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you haven’t got any balls…You must be a POLITICIAN’
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
The teacher replies, “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one.”
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy
to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won’t be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don’t press any buttons, you’ll just mess it up.
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable
person to show you care.
Well, my job is done …..Your turn
A successful rancher died and left everything to his
devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an
ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the
other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one
else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring
it would be safer to have him around the house than
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours
every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the
two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very
Then one day, the rancher’s widow said “You have done
a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You
should go into town and kick up your heels.”
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on
He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the
room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the
fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
“Now take off my boots.” He did as she asked, ever so
“Now take off my socks.” He removed each
gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it,
constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
“Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands,
did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said: “If you ever wear my
clothes into town again, you’re fired!”
Mexico Drops Out Of 2008 Summer Olympics
President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics.
He stated: “Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, o la nadada ha salido ya del pams.”
Translation: “Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country!
Ralph and Edna were patients in a mental hospital. One day
while walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph jumped
into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool. Edna
promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and
pulled him out. When the hospital administrator became aware
of Edna’s heroic act, she ordered Edna to be discharged from
the hospital as she was now considered ‘mentally stable.’ The
administrator told her, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you’re being discharged since you rationally
responded to a crisis situation by saving a life. The bad news
is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt
right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘Ralph didn’t hang himself, I put him there to
dry. So how soon can I go home?’
A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when
he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps
into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost
overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the
drunk, “Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk answers, “Yes, I am.” So the preacher
grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him up and asks the drunk,
“Brother have you found Jesus?”
The drunk replies, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him
into the water again for a little longer.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, “Have
you found Jesus my brother?”
The drunk again answers, “No, I haven’t found Jesus.”
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the
drunk in the water again — – but this time holds him down
for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms
and legs he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, “For the love of
God have you found Jesus?”
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says
to the preacher,
“Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
The Red Road Resonance (or the Hobby Indian Shuffle and Shake)
The Red Road Resonance (or…the Hobby Indian Shuffle and Shake) April 30th, 2008 by blackbird
TAP. TAP. TAP.
I type like morse-code, hunt and peck, my fingers dance across the keyboard like a prairie chicken: strutting, ducking and diving. The German hobby Indian sneak-up, it ain’t no wehrmacht, and it ainât no horse-steal dance either. My TAP TAP TAP fades into a BOOM BOOM BOOM as it segues to the Hobby Indian drumbeat, the Hobby Indian shuffle and shake.
The rapt crowd watches and listens the heartbeat drum echoing with German words is interspersed with hey-ya hey, the Red Road Singers, in-na-style of the Southern drum groups. Surrounded, encircled, hands reach in, over the drum. Hand-held tape recorders and handy cams to later recount this moment.
The dancing arena is full, as those attending dance to their own inter-tribal, a Euro-inter-tribal dance of healing hearts, heartfelt handshakes and hugs.
At their pow wows, hobbyists dress like Indians from an 1890’s buckskin, feather headdress and quill work. In other words, straight out of a John Wayne movie. Outside they sponsor Native orphanages, organize more pow wows, practise at the drum, and learn new dances. The more politically inclined raise awareness of the current Native situations, such as treaty and land entitlement, industrial pollution, and justice issues.
They have colorful and grandiose club names like the “Dog Soldiers” or “Native American Association of Germany.”
I became fascinated with the hobby Indians of Germanyâfirst from their interest and admiration they have in us and secondly from their practice of this interest and admiration.
I had never before thought that we could be a hobby. I have since been trying to understand the concept.
And dig this…
I had recently come from a society—Canada—where the North American Indian is a voice in the margin, to now being in the presence of a group of people who not only admired our voice, but also collected our words and wanted to hear more.
Thinking of the hobbyists, I thought, first of all, what is a “hobby?”
So I looked it up on Wikipedia…A hobby, it says, is something of a person’s favorite past time. Hobby’s are practiced for interest and enjoyment, rather than financial reward. Examples include collecting stamps, creative and artistic pursuits, like painting or scrapbooking. Engaging in a hobby can lead to acquiring substantial skill, knowledge, and experience. However, personal fulfillment is the aim.
In reference to the German hobbyists, I looked at it practically. Maybe, I thought, a hobbyist gains the skill of beadwork, patience of hand.
Grammy nominated musician, Tdom Bah Toden Xkee (Kiowa), a.k.a. the Flute Keeper, corrects me on this assumption. âThey (the hobbyists) have actually been doing beadwork longer than us Indians, â adding that âlooking at Czech glass beads and realizing I shouldnât come to the Czech Republic to sell, I should come here to stock up on supplies.â
“The hobbyists acquire a substantial library, a lot of books on us can be found on the internet,” Tdom Bah explains.
“…If you want to come to Germany and present your Indianness, you better know a lot.”
When I traveled to some of the hobbyist pow wows with my Mini DV Camera, I noticed the impressive detail of their regalia. On one pair of moccasins, a performer wore little beaded circular EU flags, with beaded sun-rays as its outer edge design. The owner of these moccasins told me this meant, “Europe, as long as the sun shines.”
As some of the hobbyists dance past my view-finder, it seems they mimick us. Tdom Bah doesn’t disagree.
“At the Czech Pow wow,” he notes, “I saw an Indian guy come in third (behind the German contestants)in the Men’s Traditional category.”
I ask him if knew how hobbyists got a hold of eagle feathers. He said that eagle feathers are easily bought; about a dozen per bundle, 25 euro each as well as feathers from crow, hawk, owl, turkey, and pheasant.
Hobbyists sometimes seek personal fulfillment through the story-telling of their North American Indian guests.
“We can’t always be serious, talking treaty, giving healing words, singing and dancing. You know as well as I do we have to be real, there are moments of comedy,
Thoughts and News Items on the Subject
Pawnee tribe hopes to rebury remains from Hastings museum soon
LINCOLN NE 8/12/2007 (AP) _ If all goes well, the Pawnee Tribe will be able to rebury the remains of more than 90 of its ancestors this fall on central Nebraska land the tribe once called home. But before the burial, federal officials must approve the Hastings Museum of Natural and Cultural History’s plan to return the remains to the Pawnee Tribe of Oklahoma. [More…]
It all started with Prescott Bush, George W. Bush’s grandfather. In 1918 it is said that he robbed the grave and stole the skull of the Native American warrior Geronimo as part of an initiation into Yale’s Skull and Bones Society. The Skull and Bones society has long been important to the Bush Family. George Bush Sr. and George W. Bush were also members of this secret society.
|Looking at NDNs in a Romantic way?||Sep 27, ’08 1:02 PM
by little_running_deer for everyone